Why We Demand Intimacy

woman happily talking with a man

The neverending quest to find The One is perhaps the most human trait we all share. We seek connections and when we don’t find them, we feel lonely, sad, and incomplete. While it should not fall on another person to complete us, their presence does make days seem brighter and your mood lighter.

Explaining why we seek intimacy seems like the simplest thing, but it’s really not. Some have devoted their whole lives looking for their partner, even if they have to call family lawyers in Colorado Springs when they are proven wrong, and they continue to try again. Why does one withstand the great pain of breaking up and divorcing just to find The One?

We Want to Feel Validated

There are several things that trigger the release of happy hormones. A few of them have something to do with acts of intimacy, such as hugging and kissing. In a way, these hormones help your body manage stress. Validation is another source of happy hormones. This is why you get addicted to getting likes and comments on your social media posts. For humans, it’s easier to seek out validation from other people, even if it’s through an app. The feeling of validation has more weight, however, when it’s from someone you respect and look up to, such as your significant other. When you’re having a difficult time, your partner telling you that you’re doing well will lift up your mood enough to get you through the night.

We Want to Matter

man holding mourning woman's hand

If you’ve ever wondered who will be at your funeral, you’ve wondered about your place in other people’s lives. You want to be remembered and to be significant enough that they shed tears and recall happy memories of you. You want to have someone who, in the middle of the day, will think fondly of you and will send you sweet nothings. It’s a positive feeling to be the recipient of these random and sweet acts, but it’s equally satisfying to be the one on the other end. When you have someone to think of and be happy for, you feel good about yourself. Granted, a relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies, but even struggles in a healthy relationship teach you lessons that you wouldn’t have been able to learn any other way.

You Want to Share Stories

We’re all storytellers. We live each day and triumph over our struggles hoping that someday, someone will laugh at our best memories and feel for our worst. We hope that there is someone who will understand the decisions we had to make, and who will not look down on us for our mistakes. We want to be understood as the complicated creatures that we are. Being intimate with someone means baring yourself to them, sharing even the secrets you’ve never told anyone before. Your secrets, of course, are your best-kept stories, and they are the ones that are hardest to carry. Having someone to listen is like lifting the load off your shoulders.

People seek different kinds of relationships, which present various levels of intimacy. Even if you’ve failed at a relationship before, never stop looking for people who will understand you completely.

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